A Transsexual Lesbian's Search For A Christian Church

In this post I want to outline my search for a Christian church home. Please refer to my other posts for supporting and background information.

I recently got out of rehab and moved in with my mother and we began looking for a home church. Both of us are comfortable reading the bible with the words of Jesus in the forefront and were looking for a fellowship focused more on grace than on law. We were saddened by finding congregations that, while consisting of kind and accepting individuals, have in their statement of beliefs codifications of individual laws which would exclude, condemn, or denigrate one or the other of us. 

As an example; I am a lesbian. I have a personal relationship with God ("No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest.") and, while he has made it clear to me that my past as a drug addict and prostitute has been wicked, he hasn't mentioned anything to me regarding either my sexuality or my gender identity. I found churches (both through attendance and online research) that make statements in their beliefs such as: "Our stand on the social issue of homosexuality is that... while we understand the... perversions... that lead to the choice of homosexuality... God's will is sufficient to overcome the practice of homosexuality" and; "we believe that God’s design for the gift of sexuality is that it is to be exercised and enjoyed only within the covenant relationship of marriage between one man and one woman.  We also believe that Christians are to live by God's moral law, which is found in both the Old and New Testaments." I found it disheartening that people will pick and choose which scriptures to use to judge their neighbors in this manner while avoiding those that might cause their own congregation to recoil in horror such as Paul's statement that "Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church".

I read the words of Jesus first, then I read the Gospels around them, then the rest of the New Testament, then the Old Testament as reference, particularly of course with regard to those references that were made directly by Jesus or the authors of the books of the New Testament. I believe that Jesus effectively released us from the mores and letter of the law in the Old Testament that were followed by the Jewish community by statements such as "it is not what goes into your mouth, but rather that which comes out of it that defile you" (no more Leviticus restrictions on diet, this also is confirmed by Peter's vision), and "let those among you who are without sin cast the first stone." And yes, I am well aware of Mark 10:6-9 "But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." He actually made this statement in the context of divorce and was criticizing divorce, not a same sex union!

I talk to Him daily and he hasn't mentioned to me that he finds me a "perversion". Jesus associated with prostitutes, Samaritans, adulteresses, lepers, and yes, even tax collectors. He continually confused and angered others, including his followers, by his insistence on being kind to all while running from the masses and from the spotlight, admonishing those he healed to "tell no one" and even taking a boat across a lake to avoid the throngs. Jesus didn't discriminate; except perhaps against legalists; and it did seem that he had a particular issue with the rich; and he did consistently speak out against those who condemn others; "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Perhaps those who choose to condemn me for being gay should also consider placing in their statement of beliefs Jesus' position on divorce as stated above. I cannot find it in my heart to believe in this type of "cafeteria Christianity", where one can pick and choose which "sins" to wink at and which to condemn. 

I must either live by grace as a child of God or I live as a false prophet, condemning others based on my own prejudice and fear, known by the fruit of my vine. 

I know that this is a narrow precipice to tread. On the one hand I have Jesus' parable stating "for many are called, few are chosen", and on the other I have his admonition to the disciples of "if anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." 

In fact Jesus never stated any position on homosexuality, other than his position on marriage and against divorce of course; in which case I should be hesitant to read part of his statement without the other. I am just as hesitant to listen to the word of those who are comfortable taking His word out of context in this manner. I am similarly unwilling to read his statement that "it easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man into heaven" without also reading his follow up of "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I have found that many churches feel the need to have written "beliefs" that, in my understanding, contradict the message of the Son of Man, to love God with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself. When asked by a Pharisee to define the word neighbor he gave us the parable of the good Samaritan, a person reviled by the Jewish community. He never mentioned the Samaritan or the Jew he helped having to undergo ritual cleansing during or after the aid. I don't recall the parable including any condemnation of either party for either perceived or imagined wrongs. He never mentioned the necessity of taking a "stand" on the social issue of the Samaritan being outside the Jewish community and their laws. 

It would seem that some churches believe that taking a stand on social or political issues is consistent with their following the words of Jesus. I remember only his admonition to "Give unto Caesar what is Caesars, and give unto God what is Gods." My mother is a staunch Republican who watches Fox News and thinks Glenn Beck is a good Christian and messenger of God. I am as far left as you can get, a Democrat, watch Rachel Maddow for my news, and find both Beck and Fox News to be offensive at best. But we're not looking to join either a political organization or a social activist group. We are looking for a church that follows the teachings of the Son of Man based on His word and His parables such as those of the good Samaritan, the yeast and the dough, etc. We would both enjoy the opportunity to learn and grow within a church and to give back to the community in ways that glorify His Word and His Will rather than our own.

My being a lesbian is not a "choice" nor is it a "practice" which requires being "overcome"; it is simply who I am and how God made me. It is not a "social issue" on which anyone has a right to "take a stand". It is not a perversion for me to be gay. I am not in the closet nor do I intend to ever crawl back in it. I realize there are churches for "people like me" such as Metropolitan Community Church. Are you old enough to remember segregation? I am. I read Phillip Yancy's book "Church: Why Bother" yesterday. I found his position that he searches for a church where the congregation is unlike him to be very interesting.

Here's the funny part; as a non-surgical (non-operative - no body altering surgery has been performed) transsexual lesbian, I still have male genitalia. Most bigots will regard me as a man, regardless of how long (over five years) I've lived as me and as a woman. Those same people will find me abhorrent (they've told me to my face, really, I don't have to guess anymore) and identify me as a man who lives as a woman. As a transsexual lesbian, I am only interested in romantic relationships with women, therefore the average "Christian" will say I'm gay based on who I date, and will find me despicable based on who I am living as. Again, God hasn't mentioned this to me in our conversations. Clearly, people such as these are simply looking for opportunities to hate. 

Hating people isn't something that I remember Jesus having done. Perhaps you, dear reader, can point out the verse to me. I recall him calling Judas 'friend' when Judas led the crowd to take him in the garden of Gethsemane. I recall him saving an adulteress from a horrible death. I recall him using a Samaritan divorcee as an impromptu disciple to save many in a Samaritan town. I have read his words many times and several times recently, but I can find no mention of his being willing to hate.

Jesus was not the 'pablum Jesus' that modern Christians would have us believe. He was not always gentle and kind and strong and confident and composed. Philip Yancy refers to this post-Constantine illusion as the 'Prozac Jesus'. 

Mother Teresa, that “when we judge people, we have no time to love them.”