Steps 4 & 5; They Shall Take Up Serpents

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

When I was a child of perhaps eleven or twelve my family went camping for a week on Lake Buchanan near Burnet, TX. We had a small boat and stayed out till almost midnight fishing in a slew the first night. Sometime well after dark we began to see snakes; water moccasins, cottonmouth. They began circling us and, before long, we had perhaps ten or twelve serpents of various sizes circling the boat, looking for a way in. Apparently they are a curious species. My little brother huddled in the bottom of the boat shivering in fear.

The next day we set out snake traps. You catch a small fish such as a perch or bluegill, perhaps two to four inches long, and instead of releasing it, you pass a piece of fishing line through its gills, leave about four to five feet and tie the other end to a tree or root at the waters edge. The fish is now tethered in the shallows. At night water moccasins cruise the shallows looking for food. When one swallows the tethered fish he is trapped. He swallows it head first because of its fins, but since it is tied securely with nylon line he can't get away, and he can't spit it back up because of its fins!

The next morning we went out and checked the traps. I would lay out on the prow of the boat as my stepfather would nose it up to where we'd put out a trap, then cut the line and pull the snake into the boat. I'll never forget their eyes. Small, red, beady eyes. I've never seen such malevolence, such hatred. Their mouths would gape open displaying fangs the length of my finger dripping with venom. They don't actually make any sound, water moccasins. That actually makes them even more terrifying.

I have a picture of me back at the camp holding one up that was as long as I was tall, perhaps five feet, and as thick as my arm, perhaps three to four inches across. I thought we'd killed all the serpents. How foolish I was.

My demons all have the beady, red, malevolent eyes of the snakes that I thought I'd killed. They all have the gaping white maw with long curved fangs dripping with venom. They are neither dead nor gone. They all live under my bed in the darkness, lurking there, ready to strike if I am so foolish as to reach under.

I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers. Genesis 3

With the 4th and 5th steps I'm now told I need to reach under my bed and, one by one, pull out my demons and hold them close to my breast while they strike at my soul, pumping the venom of my past into my body, ripping out bloody chunks of whatever self esteem I have mustered.

Jesus told us that; ...these signs shall follow them that believe... they shall take up serpents... Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents... and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Mark 16:17 and Luke 10:19. But He was saying that to His disciples.

Before I asked Him to guide my life, I felt like a falling leaf, screaming insanely, hysterically into the wind. After I was filled with the Holy Spirit it was as if He had reached out and plucked me from the maelstrom and had grafted me back onto the vine. I still felt the storm raging around me, whistling past my ears and whipping my body, but I felt rooted. I felt so strongly rooted that I knew I could not fall again. I knew that there was nothing I could do to maintain that bond except to accept it.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

But it is by works that I maintain my willingness to accept that grace, feeling perhaps that I must earn the right to be loved. Feeling perhaps guilty for the pleasure I feel in helping others. It is by fellowship with others who believe in Him and who understand addiction that I find the strength not to hide from Him, ashamed of my nakedness.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18

Am I truly capable of following Him? I think I know why Peter reportedly asked to be crucified upside down; I don't even feel worthy enough to read His word. How can I feel worthy of His touch? Am I not evil? Am I not a daughter of Satan himself? Do I not despise those around me, hating their faults because I hate my own, hiding my self-loathing with verses, quotes, and pithy commentary? 

In Antony and Cleopatra, William Shakespeare wrote; In time we hate that which we often fear. Carl Jung wrote; Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Do I have to love myself before I can love others? If I can only despise myself do I have only the capacity to loathe those around me? Can I not be His disciple, accepting the power to take up serpents until I love myself? Is the only way to love myself that of seeing myself only through His eyes? If so, how can I see through His eyes or understand through His thoughts; how can I comprehend His magnificence when I am so insignificant?

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35

What happens when I am forced to scratch into the mire that lies in the depths of my soul, releasing the stench of evil from my past, tasting the bitterness of the wickedness in which I once reveled? How can I face such wickedness and not want to recoil from His touch, as if I, by touching Him, could contaminate Him. As if I, so evil as to feel kinship with the serpent, am frightened of His touch, even experiencing pain from the clarity of His gaze.

As odd as it seems, the darkness beckons me. It seems comforting to give up, to consider myself beyond help, unworthy of my own love, let alone His. Being driven by the maelstrom seems in a macabre sense preferable to relying on Him for shelter from the storm. Is this why Christians leave His way? Is this why those who are evil will scream to the mountains Fall on us! and to the hills, “Cover us! (Luke 23)

If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.” 2 Peter 2.

I'm a runner. I always have been. I truly do not know if I will be able to do my 4th step, simply writing out evils of my past, handling my serpent demons one by one, being forced to apologize to my monsters for my pathetic and ill-fated attempts to strangle them. If I can't even write it out, how can I discuss it with another person? I ask God to forgive my wickedness, but I can't even verbalize the words to describe the bile for which I am asking forgiveness. 

How can I face a woman whom (who? whom? Inquiring minds want to know) I respect and love (in the disciple sense... get your thoughts out of the gutter!), and who I think of as a friend; how can I face her and verbalize what I cannot verbalize to God. It would do no good were my confessor a stranger; then I wouldn't see the point of the exercise and I still have the issue of not being able to even write this stuff down. Yes, I know that you 'think' that I've written it down here because you've read it. Let me assure you that I have yet even to disturb the surface of the brackish waters at the bottom of my soul.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.  John 3.

She's read my blog. She'll probably read this. She's smart enough that it is likely she'll realize I'm far too distant from reality to be helped. How often have I walked away from someone, assuming that she would walk away from me if she only knew me, and walking away before she rejected me would hurt less than the rejection itself? I don't know if I'll even be able to talk about steps 4 and 5 without getting up and just walking off.

...
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
Edgar Allen Poe

Jesus' First Apostle Was A Woman

Luke 10 tells us that Jesus and His disciples came to the house of a woman named Martha. She had a sister named Mary who sat at the His feet listening to what he said. Martha was busy preparing her house and food for her guests. She asked Jesus; Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! Jesus gently told her; Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. He had the opportunity to chastise Mary and 'put her in her place', but He did not! Instead He insisted that she was doing what she should be doing, listening to Him teach!

In John 4, Jesus stopped just outside the village of Sychar at the Well of Jacob. The disciples had gone into town for food. When a Samaritan woman approached the well, He asked her for a drink. When Jesus saw the woman He asked her for a drink. Confused, she asked Him; You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink? Samaritans were considered to be 'half breeds' by the Jews and, as social outcasts, were considered to be 'unclean'. Jews were not allowed to even drink from a vessel that a Samaritan had touched, nor were they allowed to eat with them.

Jesus began to teach her; If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water... Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

When the woman asked Jesus to give her a drink of His water, He told her to go and call her husband and then come back. She responded that she had no husband. Jesus told her; You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true. Jesus already knew that she didn't have a husband! He brought it up so He could tell her that He knew, and to let her know that, to Him, it simply didn't matter. Having been divorced five times and living in adultery only added moral guilt to the social stigma this woman already carried as a Samaritan.

As Jesus continued to teach her, the woman said, I know the Messiah is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us. Jesus then tells her; I, the one speaking to you—I am he. This is the first time Jesus revealed himself as the Messiah! It is the clearest He ever states it! 

When the disciples rejoined Him they were surprised that He was talking to a woman! A prominent Rabbi of early Christian times, Rabbi Eliezer ben Hurcanis reflects the attitude of the Pharisees and teachers of the law when he stated that; Instructing a woman in the Law is like teaching her blasphemy, Let the Law be burned rather than entrusted to a woman, and A woman's wisdom is limited to the handling of the [spinning wheel].

The disciples urged Him to eat something but He told them; "I have food you don't know about. My food, is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." He was gaining strength and joy from teaching the Samaritan woman! Jesus stayed for two days at the village and many were converted, first by the testimony of the woman and then by the teachings of Jesus.

Jesus taught women as He taught none other than His disciples. He made it clear that He would only speak to the masses in parables, but that He would reveal the truth to His disciples. A woman was the first person to whom He revealed the ultimate truth, that He is the Messiah! His first apostle, His first missionary, was a woman! He spoke clearly and plainly to women. He helped them to understand how important, how loved, and how equal they are.

In Matthew 12, as Jesus is teaching; someone tells Him that His mother and brothers are outside. He looked at those whom he was teaching and stated simply; "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." Because He was teaching women, He used the gender inclusive word 'whoever' both to indicate that there were women in the crowd and that whoever does the will of His Father is His brother, sister, and mother. Jesus again went against tradition by including women in His teachings as equals to men.

Jesus greatest compassion was towards women

The final act of Jesus was to provide care for His mother. In John 19, the text says that He looked at John from His horrible throne on the cross and told him; "This is your mother." Looking at His mother He told her; "This is your son." His message to his dear friend John was to not go out preaching, but to stay with His (now John's) mother, act as her son, and take care of her for as long as she lived.

Jesus sternly rebuked Simon the Pharisee when in Luke 7, while Jesus was a guest in Simon's house, a 'sinful' woman came in and, crying, anointed Jesus' feet with perfume and tears. Simon mutters that, were Jesus a prophet, He would know that the woman was a 'sinner' ('unclean' from a Pharisees point of view) and would not allow her to touch Him. Jesus spoke sharply to Simon, effectively telling him that 'she who is forgiven much, loves much, and this woman has loved me more than you'! He tells the woman gently "Your sins are forgiven... Your faith has saved you. Go in peace". 

In Luke 8, we are told that a woman who had suffered from bleeding for 12 years approached from behind and touched the tassel of His robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped. When the woman saw that she was discovered, she came trembling and fell down before Him. Women who were menstruating were considered 'unclean' by Jewish law. By touching Him she had made Him also 'unclean'. A typical response to this by a Rabbi or Pharisee would have been outrage. In the presence of all the people, she declared the reason she had touched Him and how she was instantly cured. Jesus told her; "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace."

In John 8, a woman who is caught in adultery is brought to Him by the Rabbis and Pharisees. He is asked what should be done of her. As always, the establishment goons were trying to set Him up. Hebrew law said she must be stoned to death, but Roman law said that Hebrews could not execute the death penalty. Were this not the case, collaborators would have rapidly disappeared, and all occupations rely heavily on collaboration by the occupied peoples. If Jesus said she should be stoned, He was violating Roman law and the Pharisees could charge Him to Pilate. If Jesus said she should not be stoned, He was violating Hebrew law and they would use that to condemn him to the Sanhedrin (the ruling [collaborationist] council).

Jesus simply told them; "Let those among you who are without sin cast the first stone." The bible tells us that they all slowly began to leave until none were left. Imagine the scene here for a minute. The woman was having sex with someone, in the throes of passion, when, somehow, she was discovered and dragged off by an angry crowd of men. Ezekial 23, Danial 9, and Hosea 2 all speak of stripping an adulterous naked. It is likely that this woman was stripped naked by this abusive crowd while she was being dragged, screaming, crying, and begging to what she believed would be a death by stoning. It is likely that the men beat her while they were doing so, certainly they were not gentle with her.

I strange mystic, a holy man, has now said only a few words and all of these men have slowly left, but she is still standing there, trying to cover her body after a lifetime of having been told how shameful it is for a woman to even show the hair of her head in public. She is filthy with dust, sweat, and her face is streaked with tears. Her nose is running and she is probably still crying hysterically. Jesus then does something strange.  Jesus asked the woman; "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" He could have simply sent her on her way, but He wanted her to take the time to understand and accept what had happened! He wanted her to accept and verbalize that all were sinners, and so there were none who could judge her!

The woman answers simply; "No one Sir". Jesus replies simply; "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." It would be a mistake to focus on the last sentence, where Jesus told her to "...leave your life of sin." The focus should be on the understanding and the compassion that went into Jesus' decision to ensure that she did not leave with overwhelming guilt and shame. None of the men were fit to judge her! Not a single one!

(If I am completely honest, I have often wondered; couldn't he have given her his coat? Perhaps He did and it just didn't make it into the final draft of the story!)

Women supported Jesus' financially

Luke 8 tells us that "Jesus traveled from one city and village to another. He spread the Good News about God’s kingdom. The twelve apostles were with him. Also, some women were with him. They had been cured from evil spirits and various illnesses. These women were Mary, also called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out; Joanna, whose husband Chusa was Herod’s administrator; Susanna; and many other women. They provided financial support for Jesus and his disciples." If you understand His message you simply cannot belief that He would allow women that He would have allowed women to travel with and support Him and His mission financially were they not trusted and loved by Him.

Women were the last at the cross and the first at the tomb

The Gospels of Matthew and Mark include only women who stayed with Christ at the cross. Luke mentions women specifically but also others who had followed Him at the cross but at a distance. Only John includes someone other than women at the cross; John includes himself being there. All of the eleven remaining disciples, and all of His followers fled, except for John, speaking in his own account. Peter, whom he nicknamed the 'Rock', probably humorously due to Peter being a bit less than convicted on issues which he took up; Peter was not there. James and John, the sons of Zebedee's who had argued over who would sit on Jesus' right and left were conspicuously absent.

Women were the first to see Him resurrected, taking the news to the cowardly eleven. The were the first at the tomb, going to take care of His body while the men had hidden themselves behind locked doors to argue about how they would organize, if at all.

Jesus spoke of equality

In Matthew 20 Jesus forbade any hierarchy in Christian relationships, presumably including both women and men: "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you." His was not meant to be a Kingdom of master and servant, but of His love and of those who love Him.

In Luke 13 He speaks of a woman whom He healed as a "...daughter of Abraham..."! This phrase was unheard of when applied to men. In biblical times only men inherited the glory of the patriarchal line.

In Mark 12 Jesus praises the paltry offering saying that; "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on." He wanted to make it clear that this woman was at least the equal of the rich and powerful. He actually made it clear that she was more than equal!

Jesus treated all women with kindness and respect

Jesus always treated women with courtesy, respect, kindness, and compassion. He made it very clear that He was here for the poor and the weak. There were none more weak when He was on this earth than women; too often there are none weaker now. Jesus was here for women just as He was here for the sick and the poor.

If you read His message carefully, and ask God for understanding, He will show this to you. He said in Jeremiah 31 and Hebrews 8 
"This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
    after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God, and they will be my people.
No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest.
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."


He made no references to gender in His promise, stating simply that "...they will all know me..."

You really have two options here:

Option 1 - You can believe what Jesus said, understand what Jesus did, and accept what God spoke. You can accept His word, as the Trinity, before you accept any other.

Option 2 - You can disregard Jesus' message, words, and actions, and disregard God's promise, and you can instead choose to believe what a mortal man tells you regarding the bible. You can pick and choose verses in the bible and use them to negate the message, words, and actions of Jesus and to negate the promise of God.

Jesus told us that the most important commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, and all our souls, and all our minds. Do you really think He just accidentally let 'minds' slip into what He said? He meant exactly what He said. God's covenant with us conveys the same message "No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ because they will all know me..."

"...they will all know me..."!

Jesus told you to use your head, to justify your love for God with an understanding of that love. God told us that He will speak directly to each of us and help us understand His will. Who are you going to trust? Jesus and God and the word of the Holy Spirit, or the writings of apostles who fled from him, bickered among themselves, condemned each other while beating their chests in righteous pride.

Choose wisely, but know that Jesus and God are on your side.

The hatred of the ducks.

I've been doing some research for a new blog entry which I have tentatively entitled "The First Apostle Was A Woman". It should be obvious that it is simply my own spin on how Jesus treated women and, as it is my wont to do, I will counter some of the misogynistic rhetoric in other parts of the New Testament.

What is relevant to this conversation is something that I noticed on closer inspection of the twin stories of the Samaritan adulteress and the caught adulteress in John 4 and 8. When the Samaritan adulteress tells Jesus she doesn't have a husband He says "The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.." He effectively tells the woman; "I know exactly who you are, and I know exactly what you've done." He then goes on to use this woman as His first apostle, His first missionary, in order to convert many in the village of Sychar. He never once mentions her adultery again! He doesn't even tell her to "...sin no more" as He tells the woman in John 8.

After the crazy people with rocks have left in John 8, Jesus asks the accused woman: "Where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She answers simply "No one sir." Do you see what He did here? He wants her to understand and accept that no one can condemn her! Only after He has allowed her time to grasp what has happened does He continue with "Then neither do I condemn you." Had He just said this without asking for her to confirm for herself what had happened, she might have missed that very important point. 

Jesus was really very clear on this issue; not only no one can condemn us, He doesn't either, and He may not even mention it other than to make sure we know that He knows... but He's still going to use us for His purpose.

It is very difficult for me to read much of the New Testament; Peter states: "It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”

Peter says this! Peter! Remember Peter? The guy who denied Jesus three times! The guy who ran screaming like a little girl and left Jesus at Golgoltha! The Peter whom Jesus rebuked saying "Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men." Yes! That Peter! The Peter of whom Paul (nee Saul of Tarsus) wrote "When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong." The Peter that, on asking Jesus how many times we should forgive our brother Jesus answered "seventy times seven". The very same Peter that Jesus rebuked (yet again) saying; "Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?".

Yes, this is the Peter who says that there are no second chances! In Hebrews 6:4-8 the writer states a similar position.

How can someone like Peter come up with a boneheaded statement like that? You can almost feel Jesus' frustration with all the disciples when He says repeatedly; "Oh ye of little faith..." and "how long must I put up with this faithless generation?"

And don't even get me started about the megalomaniacal, homophobic, misogynistic, near sighted... well... you know who I'm talking about.

The more I study the message of Jesus specifically and the bible generally as an informed (and only slightly demented) adult, the more patience I have with retards like duck boy. (Ooops! Was that politically incorrect?), the patriarch of Duck Dynasty that recently said some pretty ignorant stuff. If the men who actually lived with Jesus for years could come off as hair brained as Peter, what percentage of men in the modern world could possibly understand His message? (Women are a separate subject, to be covered by a future essay...).

What chance does anyone even have to understand the bible really? The vast majority of churches have the words 'infallible' and 'inerrant' plastered all over their dogma; if you so much as hiccup while reading Paul you are ejected from membership!
1 Corinthians 5:9-13 said: "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters; for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he should be an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler— not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? 13 But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves."

So much for removing the log from your own eye...

It's our own fault really. 

Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) said:
First they came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the Socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

I've been volunteering at the Women's Residential Unit at the rehab center where I spent some time recently. I've begun to participate in the bible study that the local church gives for the group; as a graduate I can still attend. I've been bringing fruit and books over weekly. I worked with the bible study group to make twelve stockings for the women that I took over today and I have bags of more stuff to take over tomorrow, then I'll be over Wednesday with fruit, and New Years Eve with juice and stuff. 

I'm working on a couple of affirmational flyers such as my aforementioned blog entry. I plan to include these with a 'newcomers bag' that will include a bible, AA big book, devotional, a snack, some NA literature, a pen and journal, fuzzy socks, etc. I've decided I'm just going to call it like I see it.

Jesus Rocks. 

If you don't get that you cannot condemn anyone and that no one can condemn you, you probably need to go back and focus more on Christianity and less on the Pauline message (Paulianity) that modern fundamentalists love so much. 

What if He really meant all that stuff He said? 

Paul said "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!"

Seriously? Even an angel Paul? Wow! Now that's what I call humble!

Jesus, the actual Christ, not Paul, who wasn't - said: "Blessed are the meek... blessed are the merciful..."

It's our own fault that we let people cherry pick hate rhetoric from the bible and beat on 'the meek' calling it Christianity. I've decided to start calling people out on it. Not in a mean way... but clearly and succinctly. I've decided to stick up for people like those women in rehab who've been beaten, raped, and abused most of their lives.

Jesus, the real Messiah, not Peter, who was often a bit erratic - said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I don't expect to win any popularity contests.

Jesus the Redeemer, not Luke, although Luke didn't write as a misogynist even though his teacher was Paul and Paul's letters came before Luke and Acts... ever wonder why? - said: "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me... Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."

As for duck boy; I guess it's a bit judgmental of me to think of him as pathetic. But hey! I don't claim to know more than angels! Who's a sinner? Me!

Give me an 'E'! 'L'! 'I'! 'S'! 'H'! 'E'! ...

"In the end it is not the words of our enemies that we will remember, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who is a Christian?

Wikipedia says that "The Greek word Χριστιανός (Christianos)—meaning "follower of Christ"—comes from Χριστός (Christos)—meaning "anointed one" —with an adjectival ending borrowed from Latin to denote adhering to, or even belonging to, as in slave ownership."

1 Corinthians 5 says; "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

So here Paul is (apparently) saying to 'kill them all and let God sort them out'. Jesus may have disagreed with his choice of dinner companions.

1 Corinthians 4:5 says; "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes."

Paul writes this only moments before. You can find this dichotomy in his rhetoric throughout his writings if you're reading it with an open mind. This has led me to think of Paul as a bit psychotic. Not that being mentally deranged is a bad thing! I rather enjoy it myself! But I don't expect people to follow my dictates slavishly.

Galatians 1 says; "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!"

One must assume at this point that Paul doesn't even realize how often he preaches a gospel other than the one that Jesus Himself did. Psychotic? Schizophrenic? Egomaniacal?

Galatians 2 says; "When Peter came to Antioch, I told him face to face that he was wrong."

Here Paul is telling us that Jesus beloved disciple Peter, the 'rock' on whom He would build His church, is wrong, and Paul 'judged' him harshly, publicly, and in perpetuity.

2 Peter 2 says; "If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”

Hebrews 6 says; "It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned."

From these two quotes in Hebrews and 2 Peter one might assume that Jesus' parable of the vineyard workers (Matthew 20) is null and void. What about Peter and the rest of the disciples? How do they fit into this?

My point is simply this; a Christian is someone who attempts to adhere to the message of Jesus Christ as much as possible. I both 'adhere to' His teachings and 'belong to' Him as His servant. Because of this, my rather direct reading of the Wikipedia definition, I believe myself to be a 'Christian'. If the definition of Christian is expanded beyond that of Wikipedia to mean 'a follower of Paul', then I have no comment... but I haven't found that definition anywhere nor have I found anyone who will admit to practicing 'Paulianity', even while they are in fact doing so.

My own interpretation of this means that Paul was a false prophet in at least some sense of the definition that Jesus gave us. Does that mean I am saying (figuratively) to Paul that 'I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.'? Of course it doesn't. Paul had some beautiful stuff to write.

But he wasn't Jesus, the Son of God. When I hear a 'cafeteria Christian' pick and choose passages to support their own prejudice and their own selfish means the words 'false prophet' start pinging in my head. Paul is the Grand Poobah of false prophets. He wrote so much stuff that can be taken out of context so easily all the while being a frustrated and driven man. I admire him greatly, but I do not idolize him.

I can tell a Christian by how well they follow the beatitudes.

When I was in rehab we had two to three meetings per day that were ended with the Lord's Prayer. Invariably there would be people complaining about and sniping at one another immediately after. Usually these were women who professed to be Christians, but, even moments after having asked God to 'forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us', they would go right back to cussing and ranting. I brought it up gently to a friend; she flipped me off and quit talking to me.

Christians follow the message of Jesus of Nazareth as best they can. Everything else is weeds. It's hard to tell the weeds from the wheat when you're nestled down among them, and when you wonder some days in which category you yourself fall, but there is a difference. Jesus gave us the parable. Jesus defined the difference.

"I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend." - Thomas Jefferson

I don't fear God.

A post on an online forum recently asked the question; "Do you fear God?"

I thought (very briefly) of responding to this as I normally write, with a full outline and references and 'twenty-seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was, to be used as evidence' to support my position. But I decided to go all organic on you...

I had brain damage due to heavy and long term drug abuse. I ended up homeless and checked myself into a treatment facility. While I was there I got physically better, but I was still afraid of everything and had constant panic attacks even though I was on my meds.

I read Yancey's "The Jesus I Never Knew", then reread the New Testament, then reread once again the Gospels in depth. I realized during this that I had found my spirituality in His words; the words He spoke while He was on this earth. 

Not having been able to pray for over three decades even with persistent effort while trying to recover in Narcotics Anonymous for the past year, I was finally able to pray after having read His words. I thanked Him for allowing me to take up the burdens and to take the path that had weakened me enough that I could finally hear His voice and understand His message, asking only for help in understanding His will for me.

The fear, anxiety, guilt, and shame lifted off me. The symptoms of the brain damage are gone. Since then I've only felt peace and calm when I am in His will. 

I don't fear Him. I fear what I was before He found me. He saved me. He healed me. Fearing Him would be (to me) as silly as if Peter had feared Jesus while he was walking on the water. It was Jesus who was going to save him. 

It is God who saved me from my fear. My perspective is that, when I am in a place of fear or anxiety it is because i am separate from Him, I am not in communion with the Counselor. When I am communing with the Counselor I have nothing to fear. I don't fear jail anymore. I don't fear men anymore. I don't fear God. 

I don't fear God; I fear myself! 

God's love, the message of Jesus, is the only thing saving me from myself and from the abyss of madness.

“You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.” - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Shake it baby! Shake it!

I believe in (modified - it isn't gradual, but rather occurs in distinct steps) Darwinian evolution where man evolved from the higher mammals about six million years ago, an earth that formed from gaseous clouds about four and a half billion years ago, and a universe that began about thirteen point seven billion years ago which started both time and space. And yet I still believe in God.

As a lifelong and devout atheist, engineer, and scientist I still trusted the bible as our most reliable of the sources of ancient history. I'm not going to look up all the data right now and post links, but any serious look will show that we've got a more reliable information trace in both the Old and New Testaments than virtually any other source of ancient history. Archaeology continues to verify biblical history.

Did Christians usurp pagan mythology and holidays? Absolutely. Is the creation story a myth (or parable). Most certainly. And yet I still believe in God.

It's harder some days than others. Every day I ask Him to remind me of what He has done for me and ask him to help me with my unbelief. But I refuse to reject the knowledge that I've accumulated over a lifetime. Would I dismiss it with the advent of new knowledge? For sure! But I'm not going to forget everything I know about genetics, paleoarchaeology, cosmology, quantum theory, chaos theory, etc. just so I can make my friendly neighborhood creationists more comfortable during polite conversation. (I know! I know! When is the last time I've had 'polite conversation' with a creationist?).

The 'God of my understanding', my 'higher power', (you can tell I've been in 12 step programs huh?) is a power that exists outside of space and time. If I could (or if Stephen Hawking or Francis Crick) could define Him in the language of mathematics, physics, or genetics, then He wouldn't be much of a deity really would He?

I believe that there are hundreds of flood 'myths' around the world (probably) because, at the end of the last ice age, as mile high glaciers were retreating, there were floods. Everywhere. All around the world! The average sea level rose several hundred feet during that time and most ancient civilizations tended to live near oceans. Lots of flood myths; what a shock! We don't really know how long God has been talking to people. Is there any reason to believe that He didn't have conversations with ancient Egyptians and Sumerians, or that He talked with ancient Hebrews who spread the faith word of mouth? Why is the pyramid such a common shape for all prehistoric cultures that build monuments? How did all those big blocks of stone get carried across that valley in that 'ancient aliens show' I saw? 

We don't know because they left no records! The records we do have have been scrupulously copied over the past three or four thousand years. Sometimes you just have to go with what you've got!

The one thing that Christianity has that no other faith has is this... and I'm talking about the Christianity where people follow the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, the Carpenter, Mary and Joseph's son, the 'Man', the Big Dog, and not the legalistic religions filled with hate rhetoric that claim to be 'Christ like'... 

Christianity has grace. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us less, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more. We're in only by the asking. Every other religion (and including those 'hate rhetoric' religions I referred to earlier) makes you work for your salvation. As Christians we encourage good deeds (please don't quote Paul or James to me here, I'll just quote the parable of the vineyard owner and other of Jesus' words right back at you, and Jesus totally trumps Paul, or James, or Paul and James put together), but Jesus did not require deeds. 'Help me with my unbelief!' was all that He required after He said that 'Everything is possible for one who believes'. 

Jesus guaranteed paradise to a thief on the cross next to Him based on a simple request, knowing that the thief would never have time for 'works'. He made a point of telling Simon the Pharisee that, she who is forgiven much will love much. He chastised Martha when she wanted her sister Mary to help her around the house, telling Martha that Mary had chosen the wiser course of action, to simply listen to Him speak. Even the great homophobe and misogynist himself (yeah, I poke fun at him but Paul did write some beautiful stuff) got it right when he said: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast."

There are a lot of similarities between Christianity and many ancient pagan religions. None of them, and no other modern religion has grace. Salvation by grace, salvation simply because you want it bad enough to wish for it ('Help me with my unbelief!') is completely unique to the message of Jesus the Revolutionary, Joshua, Jesse, the Angry Dude that stomped the stuffing out of the vendors in the temple.

Does the purported similarity between Christianity and other ancient religions shake my faith? Not even a little!

No one has grace but the followers of Jesus Christ.

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." - George Carlin

I desire mercy, not sacrifice

In Matthew 9 and again in Matthew 12 Jesus tells the Pharisees to "go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'" What does Jesus mean by this? (See references below)

The simple explanation is that Jesus is just talking about mercy; having mercy on sinners in this case. Reading just the text in Matthew that seems clear. It also seems clear that He is simultaneously rebuking the Pharisees for choosing a legalistic approach rather than a merciful approach. A subtle difference, but important. One is advocating mercy towards sinners; the other is admonishing those who are judgmental.

James said this later: "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

It is only when I read the full text of the referenced chapter, Hosea 6, that more interesting things come to mind. Regarding the verses below, is Jesus:

1 - Admonishing the Pharisees to 'return to the Lord'?
2 - Making a reference to a prophecy of the resurrection?
4 - Rebuking them for their fleeting faith?
5 - Telling them that they will be judged harshly?
6 - Telling them that mercy triumphs over judgement?
9 - Telling them that they are wicked?
10 & 11 - Telling them that their society is wicked and due judgement?


We know that Jesus of Nazareth was possibly (probably) both the leading authority on the bible (His bible; the bible of the Jews/Hebrews; the 'Old' Testament) and that he was an ardent student and practitioner of the Socratic method (knowingly or otherwise). He rarely simply spoke His mind, apparently preferring to speak in parables and using the double entendre as a high art form; and let's not even talk about the sarcasm!

Based on my understanding of His word, His message, and His method, my guess is that He intended for there to be multiple possible meanings. He meant the simple message for all who were listening; "mercy over judgment". He meant also for the Pharisees as well as His disciples and any other learned listeners (or readers) to wonder: "Wait... did He mean the Pharisees are wicked like marauders?" "Hold on... did He mean...?"

I think He intentionally and often said things and used parables and stories that had multiple meanings both to drive home different messages and, just to make us think. In this case there should be no question that He knew the exact text of this chapter of Hosea and, of course, all of Hosea and that of the rest of the prophets as well. I simply cannot imagine Him pulling a few words out of something such as Hosea 6:6 and using them out of context, without meaning being applied to the remainder of the chapter.

Just for the record; I do not look for messages by reading the letters of the bible diagonally! I'm just trying to figure out both what He said, and more importantly, what He meant. Yes, yes, yes... prayer, fasting, blah, blah... been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

'While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”'

Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”
“What can I do with you, Ephraim? What can I do with you, Judah? Your love is like the morning mist, like the early dew that disappears.
Therefore I cut you in pieces with my prophets, I killed you with the words of my mouth— then my judgments go forth like the sun.
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.
As at Adam, they have broken the covenant; they were unfaithful to me there.
Gilead is a city of evildoers, stained with footprints of blood.
As marauders lie in ambush for a victim, so do bands of priests; they murder on the road to Shechem, carrying out their wicked schemes.
I have seen a horrible thing in Israel: There Ephraim is given to prostitution, Israel is defiled.
“Also for you, Judah, a harvest is appointed.
Hosea 6

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed

I only recently accepted God into my life after a lifetime of occasionally passive and often active atheism. I was raised on the bible in a fundamentalist religion, and read the bible even as an atheist from a history, poetry, and philosophy standpoint, so I am well acquainted with it, but I never was a believer as an adult until recently. My experience with stereotyping was, and remains, my stereotyping of Christians!

As an atheist I wanted nothing to do with Christians, assuming that they would be less intelligent than average; 'how could they be intelligent if they accepted fairy tales as reality?' I thought. I assumed that they would be judgmental, condemning me to the pits of hell, using the phrase 'love the sinner, hate the sin' to mask what I believe(d) to be veiled hatred, and a cowards way of saying so. I assumed they would be unwilling to even discuss with any level of intelligence or skill most issues of science. All of these assumptions were not made in a vacuum, but based on personal observation.

Now, having accepted God in my life, I still stereotype Christians. I still find that most of them cannot even discuss their own religion or beliefs beyond simple platitudes. I still find that most are incredibly judgmental, rapidly condemning me for being gay or for refusing to buy into their own 'bumper sticker' theology. I still find that most are unwilling or unable to discuss the science that they dismiss so readily.

I had a conversation recently with a woman with whom I was striking up a tentative friendship at a church I have visited. I talked about my acceptance of God while still accepting the science of evolution (hey! it came up in conversation!). I asked her if she believed in the literal creation and she yes, but sometimes she was confused about fossils and dinosaurs. In our conversation she showed virtually no knowledge of the bible other than the 'devotional platitudes' that she had learned from sermons and bible study. Please don't misunderstand me; she is a sweet person, but my stereotype holds that she is unable to engage in a meaningful conversation about her own religion. I completely understand that this possibly puts her in the realm of "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Regardless, the two of us cannot have an in depth conversation about religion and science.

My experience with stereotyping others (that is relevant here) is my stereotyping others who profess to follow the message of Jesus of Nazareth (the carpenter, Son of Man, Son of God, etc.) I long for conversation with someone who accepts the message of Jesus, does not condemn me out of hand for being gay (or different), can discuss the bible from an informed perspective, and can discuss the science that is relevant to the bible (physics, genetics, etc.) with enough authority to actually understand the relevance of these issues to biblical issues.

I believe that my faith, albeit tenuous and new (I pray every day that He help me remember what He has done for me and to 'help me with my unbelief'), is stronger by far than it would be if I had no knowledge of science and accepted the mythology of the bible literally. My 'leap of faith' is across a far greater chasm that it would be were I ignorant of physics, archaeology, genetics, etc. 

Albert Einstein let his belief blind him to science. He later called it his 'greatest blunder' when he modified one of his formulas to [maintain an immutable universe]. He later was quoted as saying that "God does not play dice with the universe" because he simply could not believe the discoveries made (based on his own research!) in quantum physics!

I have accepted that God cannot be defined by us, despite the best efforts of Stephen Hawking and Francis Crick. If He could be defined within the parameters of genetics or astrophysics, then He wouldn't be God would He?

I wish I could find other Christians that can discuss this without becoming angry ("But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.") or judgmental ("For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.") and can do so from an informed perspective ("But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear...").

"One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh." - Robert Heinlein

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable

I've been saying for years (even when I was still an atheist) that I would be happy to pattern my life after the words in red, the words of Jesus, but that the rest of the bible is simply too horrific to contemplate. Now, after having accepted God into my life, my position has moderated somewhat with further study, but I still maintain that, in order to follow the words and message of Jesus I should listen first and with great priority to His words, the words in red, and that everything else is reference or supporting material only.

I've just finished re-reading and studying the New Testament for the second or third time in the past few months and I can state with conviction that I could use the bible to justify virtually any position I wish to take on virtually any topic I wish to take a position; unless I filter the bible through the words in red. Then things start to become really clear. In a recent online post I said (and was scolded for):

The word of the living God is best captured by the words in red, the words of Jesus of Nazareth. We have good evidence that these words were captured in a reasonably accurate manner and, as the message is very coherent, we can assume that we can accept them as what He intended. I take a position that the words of Jesus are the central message of the word of God in the New Covenant (Hebrews 8, Jeremiah 31) and should therefore be a filter through which we read the rest of the bible, particularly the New Testament.

I realize this is a position that is completely contrary to modern evangelical Christianity, which I feel would be better named 'Paulianity'. I think that most of us on this forum are quite comfortable taking a position outside the scope of the writings of Paul (Paulianity). Most of us are gay. Most of us don't believe that it is a disgrace for women to speak in church or to teach and that they do not need to cover their heads. feel free to read Paul's thoughts on these.

Honestly, I do not like calling myself a 'Christian' and associating myself with two millenia of hatred and persecution of the most vile nature. I feel more comfortable referring to myself as a 'Pre-Constantine' Christian, but that still associates me with the misogyny and homophobia of Paul. 

I am a follower of the message of Jesus of Nazareth, carpenter, teacher, Son of Man, Son of God. Perhaps that makes me a 'Jesus of Nazarethian'?

I follow the words and message of Jesus. Sometimes that contradicts the words of Peter, Paul, James, etc. When in doubt; I follow Jesus.

"What if Jesus really meant all those things He said?"

I just recently found online the Red Letter Christians 'movement'. While I am still reading their dogma, it looks surprisingly as if their 'dogma' is simply to follow the words of Jesus! Imagine the heresy! 

I think I may begin referring to myself as a Red Letter Christian. I have found out that it really upsets others when I refer to them as Paulianists, and their religion that of Paulianity! And it upsets others when they find out I'm a 'gay Christian' (an oxymoron to many, most of whom are simply morons). Somebody is going to be upset at something I say at sometime for some reason. 

What if Jesus had really meant it when He said "blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy"? Would He appreciate others telling me I'm going to burn in hell for being gay?

What if Jesus had really meant it when He said "blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God"? Would He appreciate others refusing me membership in their church for being gay and for publishing hate rhetoric in their dogma and on their website?

What if Jesus had really meant it when He said "anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell"? Would He appreciate those who are derisive to others in the name of Paul, James, or Luke?

I know the answer to those questions as a 'Red Letter Christian'. I have no idea what the answers are in terms of modern 'Christianity' (in my words; the doctrine of Paul).

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." - C.S. Lewis

I do not idolize the bible

Hebrews 6: Once you are saved, if you fallen away from enlightenment, it is impossible to be saved again. If this were true, none of the eleven would have been saved, particularly Peter who denied Jesus three times (remember the chicken crowing?).

"4 It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8 But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned."

James 2:17 and 2:24: Regardless of your faith, if you do no good deeds, you cannot be saved. This is directly contrary to the concept of grace as touted by Paul (re: Ephesians 2:8,9 and Romans 11:5,6) and contrary to the parable of the tax collector and the Pharisee in Luke 18:9-14. 

...faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 
You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

1 Timothy 2:14: Women are the sinners, not men. This is contrary to the message and actions of Jesus. His first missionary was a Samaritan adulteress.

"And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner."

1 Corinthians 5:12,13: In Romans 14:3,5 Paul states "...for God has accepted him. Who are who to judge someone else's servant?" He goes on then to judge harshly in 1 Cor 5.

"12 It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. 13 God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”"

I could go on, but there really isn't any point. Someone who believes that every word in the bible is sacrosanct won't listen anyway and will judge me just as I am judged because I am gay. Did I take some of my references out of context? Of course I did! That's what we do in the bible to make our point isn't it? 

The only way to read the bible in context is to read it in the context of the words in red; the words of Jesus!

Jesus was constantly disappointed in and discouraged by His disciples. Phrases such as "Oh ye of little faith", "you unbelieving and perverse generation", "could you not watch with Me one hour?", "you do not want to leave too?", and "get the behind Me Satan" are sprinkled throughout the gospels.

Peter, arguably His favorite, ended up with only a few pages out of several hundred in the New Testament and was rebuked by Paul in Galatians "because he was afraid of those who were in favor of circumcising [the Gentiles]." The men referred to were sent by James, who arguably knew Jesus pretty well.

Paul was a misogynist and a homophobe. I don't feel it necessary to justify this statement; Google 'Paul misogynist homophobe' and you get over a hundred thousand hits. This is a topic that has been discussed.

The only way to understand the message given to us by the disciples/apostles is to read it in the context of the words in red; the words of Jesus!

The disciples/apostles contradicted themselves, fought among themselves, and had repeatedly disappointed Him (those who "walked with him, talked with him, heard his parables and sermons. They are the first hand witnesses of the Living God!" Paul bragged about having spent little time with the disciples before he began to proselytize, probably because, as he showed later, he disagreed with their teachings! He went on to contradict himself and make some of the most judgmental passages in the New Testament, meanwhile exhorting his audience not to judge and to forgive!

The word of the living God is best captured by the words in red, the words of Jesus of Nazareth. We have good evidence that these words were captured in a reasonably accurate manner and, as the message is very coherent, we can assume that we can accept them as what He intended. I take a position that the words of Jesus are the central message of the word of God in the New Covenant (Hebrews 8, Jeremiah 31) and should therefore be a filter through which we read the rest of the bible, particularly the New Testament.

I realize this is a position that is completely contrary to modern evangelical Christianity, which I feel would be better named 'Paulianity'. I think that most of us on this forum are quite comfortable taking a position outside the scope of the writings of Paul (Paulianity). Most of us are gay. Most of us don't believe that it is a disgrace for women to speak in church or to teach and that they do not need to cover their heads. feel free to read Paul's thoughts on these.

Honestly, I do not like calling myself a 'Christian' and associating myself with two millenia of hatred and persecution of the most vile nature. I feel more comfortable referring to myself as a 'Pre-Constantine' Christian, but that still associates me with the misogyny and homophobia of Paul. 

I am a follower of the message of Jesus of Nazareth, carpenter, teacher, Son of Man, Son of God. Perhaps that makes me a 'Jesus of Nazarethian'?

No, I am not wiser than Jesus. If I believed I were, then I might take what Paul, James, and Peter said without the same scrutiny that He did. Perhaps I might be willing to treat women as slaves. Perhaps I might be willing to excommunicate those who disagreed with my interpretation of His words. But I'm not. 

I follow the words and message of Jesus. Sometimes that contradicts the words of Peter, Paul, James, etc. When in doubt; I follow Jesus.

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King, Jr.